The other day I was at Target
again when my daughter started freaking out again in that special, high-pitched way that kids on the spectrum tend to do when thrown off their routine. As soon as she got upset the toddler joined in which made the Middle Guy see this as his opportunity to whine loudly for candy.
I looked away from our scene for a moment and saw several people staring at us, which made me start fantasizing about distraction techniques. I thought these ideas might come in helpful to other parents:
Fall on the floor and begin speaking in tongues, slap closest person on the forehead and say, “You’ve been healed!”
Take handful of Goldfish Crackers and throw them in the air while singing “I’m Singin’ In the Rain!”
Carry boom box. Play Celtic Pride, The Music That Inspired a Dance Phenomenon. Start River Dancing.
Yell, “Free puppies on aisle four!”
Carry a Polaroid camera and take pictures of people who are staring at you. Yell loudly, “This picture is for my wall of assholes! Say CHEESE!”
Carry a tub of guacamole and chips. Offer to onlookers while saying, “Dip? Dip? Dip?”
Start throwing on random items of clothing while yelling, “Do I look cute?!”
Wear black sunglasses and carry a Neuralyzer. Tell strangers you are just going to give them a quick eye exam.