Why Visiting A Public Restroom Makes Me Twitchy

So I think we’ve established that I tend to ruminate and am a wee bit anxious about social situations such as ordering coffee and dealing with public meltdowns at Target.

I have found, lately, that there is something else that causes me to be overly twitchy and preoccupied with matters of fecal contamination and transmission of stranger’s urine.

You see, there’s this:

The public restroom is hard to avoid, a necessary evil and the place of very questionable public behavior by many people.

First, there is this to contend with:

Stepping into one of these requires touching the following:

 And this:

and don’t even get me started on the complexity of adding this to the experience:

This topic is handled brilliantly by Amber Dusick in this hilarious post called Public Toilets vs. Newly Potty Trained Kids. Her illustrations are priceless.

However, The Department of Public Toilet Germ Busters have tried to mitigate this twitch inducing situation by introducing this:

(which I think of as the Sploogeomatic)

but then there’s the issue of this:

which is sometimes also addressed (in some bathrooms) by The Department of Public Toilet Germ Busters by the placement of this:

which may or may not knock your toddler across the room into the dirty stall or remove the top layer of your epidermis.

And finally, there is the problem of this:

The tricky exit.

One touch of that handle could undo all of this:

So why not equip public restrooms with someone kind like this:

Or how about some of these:

To combat the transmission of your friend and mine: